Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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