they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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