conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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