His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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