have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
