I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
