How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
