I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
