he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My vagina just recognized that song.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
