Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
