Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
