Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
