I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
