I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
