i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
