I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Randomize