I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
