OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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