whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
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