Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
