Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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