I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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