I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
