they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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