she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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