We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
