i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
