Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
A bitchslap is in order.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
