She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
