just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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