I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
