If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
