We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
