He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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