Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
