woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
