I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
