I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
