I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
