ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
there was a trapeze. enough said
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
