mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
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