She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Randomize
