I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Found the puke drawer
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
