Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
He kissed a someone with a penis
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
