I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
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