why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
