You really coming over, don't trick.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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