You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
