who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
