yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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