She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
