everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
People in love make me want to vomit
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Randomize
