I accidentally burped into my bong.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
