Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
