if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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