May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
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