My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
