note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Randomize