Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Houston, we have a squirter
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
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