Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Can i not drive my cunt home
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
