We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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