There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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