Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
