I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
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