It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
