he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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